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This morning, you woke up -for the last time- as a four year old. It was like any other Wednesday for you; momentary cuddles with mom and dad before getting up to take on the world, bath, breakfast, then playgroup, before grabbing a quick lunch and rushing off to school. We got to spend a few minutes together, just us two, baking cookies. I watched your little hands scoop, measure, pour, and stir, noticing all too much how boy-like you've become in the last year.
You were celebrated at playgroup, and got to color a big number 5 while your friends made you birthday cards and sang.
I dropped you off at school, and for the very first time, I saw another child say something cruel to you. I saw the pain and confusion on your deflated face and heard just a touch of self-consciousness in your voice. It was a sad reminder to this momma's heart that you'll eventually have to face the bitter pieces of life along with the sweet, and that this eventuality is hitting us all too soon.
Tomorrow, you'll be five. Tomorrow, you'll be one year closer to a time when you're no longer mine, not the way that you're mine now. You'll have a life and family or friends of your own, and I'm so excited to see what that looks like for you. But tonight you're still four, and tonight you're still mine. You still love to tell me everything about your day, and you still ask to lie next to me as you fall asleep. You're 44 inches tall and you weigh 36 lbs. You love yogurt, avocado, sweets, and salad. If you had your way, you'd be jumping on the trampoline, riding your bike, or playing video games constantly. You're crazy for minions. You've learned how to read, add, and subtract with barely any help. You love your little sister, and I'm proud of the caring brother you've become. Tomorrow you'll be five. Tomorrow, I'll let go of you just a tiny bit more, as you increasingly grow into being your own person. But tonight I'm going to hold on to you just a little bit longer, because tonight you're still four, and tonight you're still mine.
Click here to check out Holli Pool Photography's letter to her son, and some of her amazing photography!